Resistance Training or Resisting Training?

I mentioned in a recent post that I have joined a gym, something I didn't see myself doing. Why should I pay money to sweat? It would be much better to exercise outside, even better to live a life so full of physical activity that I don't need to set aside additional time for exercise. I know you would think that farmers are plenty active, except that a) it's the middle of winter, b) I have a 7 month old, and c) because of said 7 month old, my role in the farm is often limited to what I can do while carrying Havah.

I wasn't planning to join a gym because people who go to gyms either hate their bodies or love them too much, and I don't think either extreme is healthy. I've long prided myself on having a good attitude about my body, which is more countercultural than I think it should be. Have you ever seen a women's magazine that doesn't have at least one article about losing weight or making your stomach flatter? We don't own a scale, and my main measure of health is whether my clothes fit and whether I can play tag with my kids. I acknowledge the fact that I've been blessed with good genes and grew up with moderately healthy eating habits has made it easier for me than for many.

Except that at a recent medical checkup, my doctor asked out of the blue, "How much more weight are you planning to lose?" I replied, jokingly, "Well, it would be nice to lose 15 pounds, but for now my appetite is my master." Later, the truth of this became more apparent. I eat, a lot. And I spend a lot of time thinking about food (but not enough about what to cook for dinner). I'll even go somewhere because they have free food, a practice that should have ended in college. Working from home means that I pass through the kitchen dozens of time each day, and often, some version of this internal conversation happens: kirsten, you don't need anything to eat right now. You just had breakfast. But I need to keep my blood sugar levels steady. How about some peanuts and chocolate chips? You don't need all those calories. Are you saying that I can't love myself if I gain weight? Don't be so legalistic. What about showing grace to myself? munch munch. Whoever said that there is a fine line between boredom and hunger was very wise. Food is a distraction, a comfort, a reward. So I shouldn't be surprised that I've put on 25 lbs since college. I waver in whether this is a problem or not. How much attention should I pay to the scale? What's the balance between "your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit" and "learn from the lilies of the field"?

I can have only one master, and I don't want it to be my appetite. The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Against these things there is no law. (And I wish you could hear the soundtrack that plays in my head with those verses!)

So, I've joined a gym, with a goal of working out 4 days a week (for the next two months, at least--until things get busy at the farm) and trying to practice self control when it comes to food. I'm still uneasy with the whole thing, and the irony of paying $30 a month to lose weight while others in the world are starving is not lost on me. I haven't decided whether losing weight really is my goal. If I don't say that it is, then I can't fail, right? :) I know that health should be my goal, but what is that, for me?

The daily challenge at the gym is what to do while I'm exercising. Maybe it's the staying in one place thing, but I can't get away from the feeling that I'm wasting my time. I try to pray, but I can hardly sustain prayer alone in my room, much less in a public place with lots of distractions. The exercise bike is the only thing I can do while reading. I bought an mp3 player (such a slippery slope, this gym thing!) so I could listen to music or news or something informative, but I haven't figured out how to put anything on the mp3 player, and even if I did, I wouldn't know what to download. I keep thinking that all these treadmills and bikes and stairclimbers could actually generate electricity--don't you think there's a niche out there for a green gym like that?